Are you crumpled in a middle seat between an amazon and a sumo wrestle? Are your knees massaging your upper teeth? Have you only eaten a bag of pretzels in the past 8 hours?.... and the airlines charged you $100 to check your bag?.... Is that your problem Binky? Well.... welcome to the "New Friendly Skies"....
So, let's see where you went wrong.....:
Small seats
- Either my butt has gotten a lot bigger or the airline seats have
gotten a lot smaller lately. I suspect that both have happened. I have
been on several domestic flights where my shoulders actually overlapped
those of my adjacent seat mates! The best seats on the plane are NOT
the window seats where you can be crushed in between a relative of the
incredible hulk and the bulkhead... It is the aisle seats where you can
hang out (literally)... Seat assignments are
first-come-first-served, so reserve your seats early. United Airlines
has started charging for extra leg room. These "Economy Plus" seats are
no bigger than the lower cost economy seats, but are spaced further
apart... greatly increasing leg room.
Food Service
- Domestic flights generally now lack any real food service (both in
the US and Europe). Some flights offer food boxes of sandwiches,
salads, or snack foods. I prefer to take my own snacks and to eat real
meals in airports as opportunity presents itself. I travel with granola
bars candy bars, and a couple of home baked scones in my backpack. I
also take an empty water bottle (my biofilter bottle), that I fill up
once I have cleared the security check point. Long international
flights still have food service. Since soft drinks may be the only food
served, so consider avoiding diet drinks because you may want the quick
calories from regular sweetened drinks. Your drink may be your only
meal for some time...
Eating a meal while scrunched up like a sardine in a tin is a real art. A winning strategy is to pick a large item and eat it first so that you can then stack other things into the empty tray. The flight attendants always serve drinks with a napkin. This is not fastidiousness.. The napkin increases the friction holding your drink from slip sliding off the plastic table and into your lap! Once the drink has soaked into your underwear, you will understand the wisdom of always carrying a change of clothes in your carry-on bag.....
On-board Entertainment - Most airlines have abandoned their dream of charging passengers for movies or other in-flight entertainment. I like to take my own Sony earphones because they are better quality than those offered on board... and I do not have to buy them... Actually, I just use the ear phones from my MP3 player...
Living on Airplanes - Long haul trips often involve loss of several nights sleep. If you cannot sleep on planes, you will be a zombie when you arrive.... After 48 hours without sleep, your mind does not work properly any more. This is a problem for business travelers who are expected to be effectively alert and creative upon arrival after 24-36 hours of travel in economy class. I have found that after 24 hours of travel, I actually feel quite ill... but if I tough it out, after a bit, I get a "second wind" and begin to feel better. I have developed several strategies that work for me. First, I need caffeine... if I do not get caffeine from coffee, tea,or soft drinks at least twice a day, I get a headache. Second, alcohol is my friend. I drink all of the alcohol that I can get then just try to shut down all of my bodily processes and go into hibernation. Even if you do not actually sleep, this helps reduce fatigue. I have scared stewardesses on several flights who mistook my lethargy for serious illness....It is really unhealthy to sit in the same position for hours on end. I get up every couple of hours and walk to the galley, stand there for awhile, then walk back. This helps reduce muscle cramps, blood pooling in your lower body, blood clots in your legs, and other nasty possibilities.
Airliner cabins are maintained at low pressure and the air is dry, both of these factors increase evaporation, so passengers tend to become dehydrated if they do not drink sufficient liquids on long flights. The low cabin pressure also favors flatulence (because your gut is now at relatively higher pressure compared to the cabin air pressure). As long as we are being indelicate, I have also noticed that when I sit for hours without getting up, my underwear gets damp with sweat. If I do not move about the cabin a bit to get airflow to dry things out a bit, I suffer from the equivalent of diaper rash. Large breasted women sometimes have similar problems with the undersides of their breasts. I am told that a bit of baby powder can be very helpful.
Connecting Flights
- The old rule-of-thumb used to be that a minimum of 50 minutes was needed to transfer safely to connecting flights. This no longer adequate!
I like to have AT LEAST 90 minutes and preferably 120 minutes between
flights. This is because: (1) Flights are often behind schedule. My
incoming flights invariably arrive late while my out-bound flights
leave on time, (2) airlines are now closing boarding 10 to 20 minutes
before the flight departs so that they can fill empty seats with
stand-by passengers. If you are not at the gate 20 minutes before
departure, you risk having your reservation canceled!, (3) some older
airports must redo security screening of passengers moving from one
concourse to another, and (4) I like to allow time to eat a real hot
meal at any airport that I pass through! I will often take long
layovers between flights than press my luck with a tight connection.
Since most flights are now flying fairly full, there is a good chance
that later flights will be fully booked if you miss your connections
and must reschedule. I just don't want to take the chance....
Travel like a Pro Tips...
Be friendly and considerate of your seat mates. You are going to be spending a lot of time together. There is a tribal camaraderie of shared hardship among fellow travelers.
Have a travel strategy.
Think through where and when you will eat and sleep. On long trips,
renting a day room at an airport to have a nice warm shower, stretch
out and get even a few hours of real sleep can make a world of
difference in how you feel when you arrive at your destination. Most
large international airports have an attached hotel that offer day
rooms.Likewise, eating a real hot meal at an airport restaurant can
materially improve your out-look on travel.
Prepare for airport security.
It really annoys me to be behind someone who obviously had no clue that
TSA was going to screen them at the airport. You are looking at your
watch while their pockets are emptied and they argue over whether a
half-eaten ice cream cone is a "gel" or not...Please, TSA has a website
with useful instructions at: http://www.tsa.gov/travelers/airtravel/index.shtm. It is pretty now standard procedure
that your shoes, belt, anything in your pockets (including a wallet)
must be put through the scanner. Electronic equipment such as cameras
and computers must be taken out of luggage and placed in scanner trays
in plain sight. I prepare for this inevitable indignity by putting
everything from my pockets along with my watch, wallet, hat, jacket,
etc. in my backpack. I pack my carry-on so that my computer is easily
removed and replaced after inspection. I wear slip on shoes. This
allows quick transit through security without the chance of lost
items due to confusion at the scanner.
Never take anything that you would be embarrassed to have openly displayed.....
I used to trigger the British anti-terror program an London Heathrow. I
would always be politely escorted by two police who would search my
possessions by laying everything from myself and my luggage out in a
single-file down a hallway at the airport. Each item would be
individually inspected, then my luggage repacked.
If you take medications, take a reference watch set on your home time. Multiple time zone changes during travel can get very confusing when you are trying to keep medications on schedule. A second watch is also a useful back-up if your first watch dies during travel.
